I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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