it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
