I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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