So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
