Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
