I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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