I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
