wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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