Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
