he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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