i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
