I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
