My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
