quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
