All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
