Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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