He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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