Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
