i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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