Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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