T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
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I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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