call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
