She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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