ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
