Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
