Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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