barbara walters just said penis...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
