1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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