I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
