Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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