They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
