i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
where am i from again
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
