im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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