my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
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So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
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I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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