Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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