the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
