I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
