There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
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Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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