i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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