be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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