I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
