It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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