we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i think i have two assholes
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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