He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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