I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
