Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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