3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It's Friday. Sex?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
