I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
