I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize