no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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