so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
