I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
