I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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