Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
