..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
