is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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