Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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